Thursday, April 23, 2009 8:51 PM
There's nothing like you and i
We spent some time
Together walking
Spent some time just talking
About who we were
You held my hand so
Very tightly
And told me what we
Could be dreaming of
There's nothing like you and i
We spent some time
Together drinking
Spent some time just thinking
About days of joy
As our hearts started
Beating faster
I recalled your laughter
From long ago
There's nothing like you and i
We spent some time
Together crying
Spent some time just trying
To let each other go
I held your hand soVery tightly
And told you what
I would be
Dreaming of
There's nothing like you and i
So why do I even try?
There's nothing like you and i
P.S. Princess, Abg Loves You so very Much
5:30 PM
I'm Going Home..!
24th of April 2009. I'm going home! I shall not make the same mistakes again. My words and crediblity are in tatters. My respect is gone. However, this is not the end. My wife, wonderful and divine has not chastised or forsaken me. She, however clearly reminds me that i no longer have chances. She knows i don't deserve any chances but she has agreed that to have me again. I can't let go of this opportunity. She has sacrificed so much and i have done so little to show gratitude. I'm scared to make promises but she has taught me to be strong and slowly i'll regain her trust, belief and respect. I'm not home-free yet but i have not been forsaken either. I Love You.
Mistakes are meant to happen cause we are only human but she has agreed to forget my past indiscretions and i am eternally grateful. She is there for me and i shall never let her down. I want to keep this promise so Love please help one last time to be a better man. The nightmare has ended and the re-buiding process can now begin. Rome wasn't built in a day and it certainly wasn't built by one individual. Baby, please help my redemption process and help me built our very own Roman Empire. You shall be my Cleopatra and i shall be your Julius Caesar.
I'm excited as fuck! I'll be in Singapore soon. I shall be able to hold my dearest wife again. No doubt i have screwed up our initial plans but i intend to be the first person you see when you wake up in the morning. It won't make up for anything yet but i hope you'll be able to see my sincerity again. I live for you, i live for us Love. I Cherish you.
My Princess, I Love You. And you Love me. You're right, that's all that matters. You're always right on matters of the Heart. You're stronger when it comes to Love. But i'll make up for my weaknesses. I Love you, i really do.
You made up your mind to marry me so fast by our first month together to be precise. Honestly, i never thought anyone could love me so much to make up such a decision so quickly. I do want to marry you.
I Love You. I'll see you when you wake up alright. I'll be the first person you see when you awaken from your sleep.
I Love You Nor Aisyah.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009 5:20 PM
Welcome to Asshole City, Population: 1
'It irks me everytime you remind me that you're coming home. Cos i noe all plans are fucked. All Thanks to you'.
When the love of your life says something like that to your direction, they don't have to say anything else. It's clear enough. It also means there's nothing left for you. You blew it. You were blessed with the most perfect partner in life but it's physically ingrained in you to hurt her and disillusion her. After this you don't deserve anyone anymore. Perhaps it's fitting that i'm leaving a place where no one loves me to a place where no one wants me anymore. Perhaps i'm destined to lead life alone and wondering. I can't erase her pain cause it's not possible anymore. She can't look me in the eye without having doubts about me because it's not possible anymore. She Loves you but does she wants you anymore? Questions are the bane of a Grade-A Asshole.
As i sit here, typing blood is slowly filling up the inside of my mouth. There's no where to spit the blood out so i swallow mouthful after mouthful. Doctors say that if you swallow enough amount of blood, you could pass out. It looks like a ready-made punishment for Assholes like me. The first rule of being and Asshole is that you stop being one. I broke that rule. I remain as one. Everytime i feel like one, i pray, i recite my prayers. But the prayers no longer give me peace and i can no longer reflect. It seems God played a sick joke when he decided to make me. A walking, talking and breathing example of a man who has been damned from the get go. Destined to be alone and destined to hurt others. I can just imagine God saying, "Look everyone, if you want an example of an Asshole and the Damned, look no further than Hafiz Suhaimi".
Baby, if you still allow me to call you that, i know you like dancing and clubbing because it de-stresses you and it helps you forget your worries in life. You'd need it in abundance tonight. I just would like to make 1 last request. Please don't forget me when you're clubbing tonight. Baby, I hope you still wear our ring. It's the only thing that binds me to you and the moment. I hope you still consider yourself as a married woman. I still hope you still regard yourself as my wife.
I want to apologize to everyone for hurting your Aisyah. I want to apologize to your best friend, Farinah who has helped you a great deal, to yan and yat, to Ice and Izzy, To Mak, Kakak and Bapak and the kids. I never meant to hurt you Aisyah everyone. When she introduced me to all of you, i was honoured. As i got to all of you better and became closer, i felt like all of you were like my family too. If i can no longer be part of your family, i gladly accept your decision. I shall make a personal apology to everyone when i get back. Even if none of you want to see me anymore, please grant me 5 mins of your time to allow me to apologize for hurting Aisyah.
Please forgive me
Monday, April 20, 2009 11:57 PM
Is it too late? have made 1 mistake too many...?
Today has been a bittersweet day. Sweet because i'm coming home back to the only person who has loved me unconditionally. The person who has given her heart totally to me but i'm afraid i have made the biggest mistake of my life. And i'm afraid i may have caused her to doubt my love for her. I love her with all my heart but this mistake, this error. I'm afraid i may lose her because of this and it is totally my fault.
She has made it perfectly clear what she feels and she's right. I'm wrong and that's plain too see. I have made too many mistakes and she has gone out of her way to forgive me all those times but i'm afraid she may never forgive me anymore. I have to pay for my mistakes. If she says i have to be alone on the day that she has painstakingly worked for, then i will do as she says. But that doesn't mean i'll ever stop trying to pay for my mistakes. I'm not prepared to live my life alone not least when fate has given me the perfect person for me. It may seem that i am taking her for granted but that will never happen. I love her too much for that too happen. I'll always love her and that will never change. I know she loves me too but i'm afraid she may not be able to forgive me again.
I do not want to lose the only person whom have only ever loved. I do not want to let what we have go. I want to marry her and that's what i ever want to do. I promised that all her sacrifices will not go down in vain and i still intend to keep my promise. It may seem far from that right now but i will keep my promise and marry her.
Baby, i will still turn up to your house on the weekend. I will never stop trying but if you say that i'll be alone on my birthday, i'll accept that. But i won't ever give up. If you tell me that you're gonna go out then i'll follow you and make up for my mistakes. I'll only stop if you tell me you don't want me in your life anymore. I know you still love me and i'll fight for your love. The day i stop is the day when you turn around and tell me that you have no more love for me.
I LOVE YOU NOR AISYAH. I ALWAYS WILL. I KNOW IM ASKING TOO MUCH BY ASKING YOU TO FORGIVE ME AGAIN.
BUT I LOVE YOU AND I EVER ONLY WANT TO BE WITH YOU AND NO ONE ELSE.
I want to marry you and have a family. That dream will always be around. You will be the last woman i'll love and thats the truth. If you think my mistake is one too many and too big, i shall live the rest of my life alone cause i can only ever love you.
I LOVE YOU.
Sunday, April 19, 2009 10:32 PM
4 More Days...!
Princess, How was your day? The past few days haven't been the best, partly due to me. I haven't been the best husband for you and i know that. I should have been more understanding and it's worse because i know your situation and i wasn't sensitive enough. I'm in the wrong and i just want to apologize from the bottom of my heart.
Baby, Abg da beli ticket and it cost $528. You must have been praying very hard cause the cheap tickets was still around. Thanks for your prayers Love. Baby, the flight is on the 24th of April. I will fly at 720pm and reach Singapore at 0100am. Baby the extra money, we'll use it for transport and food ok. At least we'll have some money to get us going. So far everything has turned out how we planned it to be. But you deserve all the thanks because you did most of the job. You know what? Ayah asked me whether i want to stay with nenek. Personally i don't think its a good idea because we won't be able to be together and it's another way for them to keep an eye on me. They still want to control me. That's why i think he asked me whether i want to stay with nenek. I don't think it's a good idea. I don't really want to go along with that idea. Personally i think its a way for them to keep their hold over me. I don't want to do that. What do you think?
Enough with bad news. Soon we'll be able to be together again. We'll be in each other's arms and we'll be able to hold each other again. I can't wait. I can't wait to be able to hold you, kiss you and smell you again. The very thought of all being able to do all those things again is making me shiver with delight. Baby, soon we'll be together again. Like we were always meant to be. Soon all this will be nothing but a dream and we'll be a reality again.
Baby, please take care of yourself alright. Just a few more days. 4 more days to be exact. Then, i'll be able to take care of you and pamper you. Soon alright. Are you excited? I am! SO put on a smile for me and start the countdown!
I LOVE YOU NOR AISYAH!
Wednesday, April 15, 2009 5:34 PM
I miss you...very much
I couldn't really sleep last night. I was worried for Love. She said she'd call me but she didn't. She must be still sick i guess. She's been having stomachaches. I hope everything's ok. I really feel bad that i can't help her while she's sick and all. I'm sorry love. I hope you took your meds. Have something to eat alright. That always help. If you're hurting too much, rest at home alright.
I was pretty much awake from 1230am to 0630am this morning. I was just lying in bed, eyes wide open just thinking. Everytime i closed my eyes to go to sleep, they just opened automatically. No matter what i did, i just couldn't fall alseep. Part of me was thinking about Love and how she's doing. Her being sick and all just got me worrying. While i was lying down in bed, i realized i've not spoken to my parents for a bout 2 to 3 weeks. Not a single sentence. Imagine that. Living in the same house but not an acknowledgement of each other. I realized that i was really lonely. I don't really talk much at home. I just talk to my sisters. I guess you CAN be lonely in a house full of people.
The good thing about not being able to sleep is that you have time to think. I did alot of thinking. I realized my sisters are very important to me. I realized i dont really have much of an opinion of my parents anymore. I realized i'm pretty much lonelt too. I just want to go home to Singapore and start all over again. Cause the most important person in my life is back home in Singapore, My Lovely Wife, Nor Aisyah Binti Mohd Sah. I'll be home soon enough. I just can't wait.
I Love You.
